I HATE my wife's doctor. All she said as she came in remarkably late was, "So how are we feeling?"
So it's week 15 in the gauntlet of childbirth, and like a good husband, I decided I'd leave work today at lunch to accompany my wife to this, the check-in appointment. Rumor had it, they were going to let us listen to the heartbeat. Who doesn't want to hear their child's heartbeat?
After 45 minutes in the waiting room watching women struggle with a faulty bathroom door handle, they called us in. First, totalling 45 seconds, was a very successful weigh-in. Successful because my wife gained zero pounds, though she'd later argue that it's because she wore a very heavy sweater to the first weigh in... Whatever, it's zero. She can't complain about zero.
Second, totalling 48 seconds, was her blood pressure, which the nurse never actually told us what is was. Who does this? Thankfully remembering back to 5th grade health class, I watched for the systolic and diastolic, and was fairly close in my guesswork we found out later.
Then, began the waiting. Again.
Thankfully, there was a six foot vagina on the wall, so I spent my next 25 minutes memorizing things I didn't really want to remember: crura, os, fimbriae.
Finally, one hour and ten minutes later we see the doctor. For 3 minutes.
We then used the doppler, a cheap Radio Shack microphone that audiblizes the heartbeat. I have much better microphones at home I told her. We listened, after all, it was the only reason we were there.
The doctor asked us if we had questions, told her to pee in the cup and swirl it around and make kool-aid, and then we left.
Next time I'm going to tell her she owes us $700 cash, because that'll be my hourly rate. Then I'm going to pee on her and hold up the doppler like a reporter and ask her, "How do you feel right now, Doctor?"
6 comments:
Wow, that is pretty brutal...though your ending commentary made me chuckle.
"How do you feel right now? Do you think Ness can beat Capone?"
Check your mail, as I sent you an update on the website progress.
I'm not sure hating the woman who's going to help deliver your child is a good idea. I also wonder if you couldn't look at the same series of events -- having time to hang out with your wife outside of work, being able to afford a good doctor, hearing that your baby is healthy -- in a positive light just as easily as a negative light.
I am Mom's son sometimes.
Yikes! Maybe you need to find a new doctor!
Don't know if the doctor is that bad, or maybe just a doctor who has a way too busy schedule and will respond to whatever questions you have, but YOU have to ask them, not wait for her to think of them. However, if you are that unhappy with her, I wouldn't think you would want to feel that angry in the delivery room, so I guess I agree with Di. And, Scott is thinking like his mother, there were lots of positives, you just had yourself in such a bad frame by the time she arrived that you lost sight of the goal. Sorry it was so bad for you.
I really don't understand why you hate her. Sounds like every Dr.'s appointment I've even been to in my entire life. I say, you had better start interviewing pediatricians now, because, once the baby comes, you will be visiting them several times a month for the rest of your life.
L.
the office is totally unorganized, my appointments keep getting cancelled, the reference guide they give you is confusing and inaccurate, the receptionists are rude, and the doctor is so rushed that you feel like you've been in a tornado by the time you leave. i keep trying to like her but something else keeps happening to make me think, "here we go again." now that i'm less busy, i plan to explore other options.
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